Doodle on the Carpet
*cast*
ohh laura billy- captain of the
swim team
carpet doodle-the town
hermaphridite
michael-the scottish boy with
skirt and fuzzy purse
chris- (dont ask)
miss gerstle- the psychobitch
with a smelly beaver
sammy- the giant walking penis
SCENE 1
(my bar)
[ohh laura billy and sammy are by my bar singing about it. ohh
laura
billy decides to give sammy a hug.]
ohh laura billy- ohh sammy, im hugging you as hard as i can!
[sammy sprays cream of wheat everywhere.]
sammy- ill cup a feel, but thats not oatmeal!
ohh laura billy- damn skippy! its cream of wheat!
[miss gerstle walks by.]
sammy- oh god! whats that smell?!?
miss gerstle- shut up! i dusched today!
ohh laura billy- goddamn girl! get away from my cream of wheat!
[sammy runs over miss gerstle with his yugo and splatters her all
over
my bar.]
sammy- oh damn, discoloration to the bumper.
[chris sees the whole thing, gets mad, takes the naked bagels pop
rocks
and throws them up michaels skirt.]
michael- ohh laura.
[michael starts raping people to find his purple dildo.]
michael- where, where is it? maybe its in my fuzzy purse!
[suddenly, carpet doodle walks in.]
carpet doodle-i got your purple dildo here, michael!
[michael turns around wildly and muff dives carpet doodle.]
carpet doodle- that wasnt my muff you dove into.
[michael bites off carpet doodles balls and he bleeds to death.]
SCENE 2
(naked bagel factory)
[chris is laying down and michael stands over his face.]
chris- istubeleeeene is that ever huge!
michael- i know, you should see the other half thats squirrled
away in
my nut sack.
[chris has a heart attack and dies from surprise seeing the size
of
michael.]
michael- oooo...theres a fiesta in my pantalones!
[michael stands over a heating vent and does that marilyn monroe
thing.
the pop rocks detonate and blows up his balls and he dies. ohh
laura
billy floats in on a banana boat through a stream of cream of
wheat.]
ohh laura billy- pump up the jams, pump it up!
[ ohh laura billy busts out some phat moves. sammy drives in in
his yugo
and runs over ohh laura billy.]
sammy- another discoloration to the bumper. man, i gotta get this
thing
cleaned!
[sammy sees carpet doodle.]
sammy- oh my god! i thought you were dead!
FLASHBACK
[sammy and chris are standing in the snow.]
chris- (in a high pitched voice) oh my god! you killed carpet
doodle!
sammy- me bastard!
BACK TO PRESENT DAY
[sammy, believing hes going insane, muff dives carpet doodle and
gets
decapitated by shis penis.]
carpet doodle- whats up with these dead people yo? its not like i
have a
muff disease or something.
[carpet doodle realizes that he is the only one left in the world
to
bring back the population. so he took matters into his own body.
he
decided that after he repopulated the earth, he would muff dive
himself.
he did so and died as well.]
audience- thanks carpet doodle!
THE END
- Karyn & Kelly