THE ANTI-MORGAN REPORT...
Dum Dum DUUUUUUUM!!!
Well, I arrived at Buchanan bus station at around 6:05 pm to find Juan wandering around aimlessly and accusing me of being early. I sucked some of his Joosters and we waited for a while until a few more of our so-called class"mates" turned up, and we sat separately from them and laughed because we managed to see Ali G walking about, plus a woman who looked like Slash from Guns 'N' Roses. We tried to spot the Edwin fans. Many of them included girls with "Morgan" bags and old, sweaty men.
We eventually got to Waterstone's at about 6:40 pm to find Graeme, and Dale, the fascist Christian with the big legs standing outside and we were given our lovely pink tickets. So we walked around in Waterstone's trying to convince Dale to come upstairs with us (?) until we found our way through the labyrinth of books to where Edwin was going to do his stuff. We took some seats next to horrible poser women. Some old dude, who later turned out to be the leader of some evil Satanic cult called PEN, a cult for writers and stuff stole Chris' seat, so he sat beside us (and also beside a guy who evidently had constipation). We were given free water, oh wow!!!
Then the ceremony began! And not only that, it began LATE due to stupid printing errors on posters!!! Some hairy fat guy with a bum bag on the wrong way stood up and started blabbering about a lot of shit in Gaelic, and we didn't know what he was talking about. Then some woman started reading poetry and she was shit as well because she was putting on a stupid, false Scottish accent...what's the point, missus?! Then the time had come, it's was Edwin's turn.
Now, we don't like Edwin, just incase you hadn't noticed, but he'd chosen his support poets well, because they were even worse. Edwin was introduced by a John Cleese lookalike as "Eddy" which made myself and Juan laugh hysterically, sadly enough. As Eddy took the stage, we waited with baited breath for him to begin. We noticed right away he was spitting saliva everywhere with every word. Then he started to read in Russian. He proceeded to translate into English, which, after hearing Edwin's voice, made less sense than the Russian version.
Then he decided to read us poems about animals, and said : "I'd like to read you a poem called 'Minge'". Apparently, it was called "Midge", but when you're an immature teenager, it sounds like Minge. After Eddy had finished his stuff, we escaped while our class"mates" waited to catch a word with the genius himself... We got Happy Meals with free Beanie Babies...yay!
We then came back to Waterstone's and ran about until a Security Guard began to stalk us, so we pretended to be reading some Jackson Pollock books until he went away. So, we tried to find the right floor to peer down upon Eddy and our class"mates", and eventually we did so. Juan suggested skelping him with our Beanie Babies, but we decided against it and left.
After running about Glasgow outside Ann Summer's for about 15 minutes, we decided to jump over cones and basically arse about, attempting to climb a big crane. Then we went home, thank you and good night.
Edwin still sucks.
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